Those Words given by My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the reality soon became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."